Saturday, March 24, 2012

crisis of faith

 I have had a small set  back. we have been dealing with a great deal of illness. My oldest daughter was flown to another city in great pain. she is home finally, and in good health, the same week, I was sick with a very sour throat, and now have serious neck pain. I do not feel good at all. my oldest son, my youngest son, my 10 month old grand daughter, and my youngest daughter are all sick as well. My sister had a stroke yesterday, and ass of yet I don't know how she is doing. Our car is barely holding together, and my wife has a court summons because my daughter was sick and no doctor was available to see her. My daughter is in her last month of pregnancy and is still in school.

All of this is so over whelming that I don't know what to do. I feel trapped by the world, and the more I try to do Gods will, the more the devil piles up on my shoulders. I know that some people have viewed my blog, but I don't know what anyone thinks about it. No one has left any comments, so it's like I am just talking to the wind.

I need prayers, and support. I need encouragement. I feel as if I am at the bottom of a very deep hole. When will I get out. when will I feel as if my efforts have not been in vain.

Right now I am taking a new med that has me very sleepy and out of it. I stand and am dizzy, but it's helping the pain in my neck a little bit.

yesterday I fell asleep and slept for 20 hours. I can't do that. I need to be able to function. I need to be able to work, and support my family. right now we have 5 living in our house. soon there will be another. my oldest son and daughter live next door, and that makes 6 more, and God be praised, my daughter in law will give birth sometime this September. that makes 13.

We are trying to raise our children and live as a community. not some cult like thing, but family helping family. it's not easy when we have a car only big enough for 5 and that it is dying. the transmission needs fixing.

We just have enough each month for the basics, and that in it's self makes life difficult. I am trying to be the man God wants me to be, but I just don't seem to be strong enough.

I have missed so many of my bible classes that I feel lost. Why does it have to be so hard.

Please pray for me and my family. Please pray for my ministry. please pray for some peace, and good health.

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